7 Tips to Support You with your Grief on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day (and other special days such as Christmas, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, birthdays, and anniversaries) can be hard – real hard – to deal with when you are grieving.  Valentine’s Day, in particular, is a powerful reminder that your loved one is no longer here.  The days and weeks leading up to them can be difficult with all the commercials on TV showing flowers, chocolates and jewellery, which reinforces who you are missing.

Valentine’s Day is a day of love and romance.  It is a day of flowers, cards and togetherness.  It is pretty much impossible to avoid it!  But if you are grieving, this is a painful day and probably a day where you want to hide under the covers and totally avoid it.  Even if you and your loved one didn’t celebrate the day, it will still be a difficult day.  Recognising this and planning for the day will help you get through it.

Tips to Get You Through Valentine’s Day

So what can you do to avoid the hype?   Below are some ideas to help you get through the day (and the days leading up to it). I hope if you use some of these tips to help you cope with the grief you feel on or around Valentine’s Day, it will make things a little easier for you.

• Take the day off work. This year Valentine’s Day falls on a Monday, so may be give yourself a long weekend.  You might think going to work may be best for you and that is ok, just remember that people may be receiving flowers and chocolates which could be difficult to witness.  Or worse, you may feel that people avoid you as they don’t know what to say.  Plan the day in advance but spend it the way you want to.
• Journalling – write down how you are feeling about the day or write a letter to your loved one. You can keep the letter or another idea could be to tie your letter to a balloon and let the balloon go at your favourite spot eg the beach.
• Find a way to honour your loved one. This could be anything from planting a favourite plant or tree in your garden, volunteering at a favourite charity of your loved one or donating to a favourite charity in your loved one’s memory.  You may also like to visit their gravesite and leave a red rose or a card.
• Invite some friends around to have a casual lunch or dinner. Don’t turn on the TV but instead organise some games to bring some laughter into the day.
• If you get invited to do something but you don’t think you can handle it, say no. Don’t force yourself to do anything that you are not up to doing.
• Treat yourself to a day of relaxation, whatever that means for you. Go to the beach, take your dog for a walk, get a massage, attend an activity you haven’t done before but always wanted to eg yoga or an art class.  This is so important, not just for Valentine’s Day as grief takes an emotional and physical toll on your body due to lack of sleep and poor eating habits.
• Avoid social media! Trust me when I say you don’t want to see photos of couples having a romantic dinner and showing off their flowers, chocolates and jewellery.  It will only make you feel worse.

Give yourself permission to grieve. Just because everyone else is all lovey dovey, doesn’t mean you have to put on a brave face for other people.

No matter how you decide to spend Valentine’s Day, please be kind to yourself. Remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve – just do what feels right for you.

What to Say to Someone Who is Grieving

If you know someone grieving the loss of a loved one, consider reaching out to them on Valentine’s Day.   Let them know that you understand this is a difficult day for them and that you are thinking of them.  Do not say things like “time heals all wounds” or “be grateful you had him/her for as long as you did”.  Just sit with them and let them talk or let them sit in silence.

If you are struggling with your grief and need to talk to a specialised grief counsellor, Contact me now.