Do you suffer from the “disease to please”?

Are you a people pleaser? Do you always do what someone asks of you, even if it makes you uncomfortable or wastes your time?

If this sounds like you, then you could be suffering from what is sometimes referred to as the “disease to please“, meaning you frequently say ‘yes’ to people when in your heart you know you should be giving them a firm ‘no’.

If you are always trying to make others happy, rather than focusing on your own happiness, you end up making yourself feel anxious. Not only does this damage your own self-worth, but it can also make you feel resentful at the person you said ‘yes’ to, as you end up doing tasks that you really didn’t want to do but didn’t have the courage to say ‘no’ to.

Women suffer from the “disease to please” more than men

More often than not, women tend to suffer from the “disease to please” more than men. As women, we are often nurturers, which gives us the tendency to be people pleasers.

Don’t get me wrong – caring about your family and friends’ emotional wellbeing is a wonderful trait that shows you are a thoughtful and caring person.

But if you are continuously saying ‘yes’ to a family member or a friend, even when you don’t want to, you need to ask yourself whether it is worth the adverse feelings that come with it.

Does saying ‘yes’ make you feel riddled with guilt, anxiety or resentment? Do you hate confrontation? Do you find it easier to just be ‘nice’?

If you are seeking approval from others to make yourself feel better in the hope that everyone will like you, it could be causing harm to your own sense of worth.

If you recognise yourself in the above personality traits, then it is time to change your habits.

Ask yourself whether you are a people pleaser and if you are, make a change

When you say ‘yes’ to everyone but yourself, who is looking after you? Remember on a plane, you are always told to put your own oxygen mask on first before thinking about others around you. And this includes your children!

Wouldn’t it be great to be able to stop worrying about what other people think of you and to set some boundaries so that you can start saying YES to you? If you don’t think this is possible, take a look at this article about mindset.

Imagine the freedom this change in mindset could bring.

Understanding people pleaser traits

So, how do you know you are suffering from the ‘disease to please’?

Firstly, ask yourself whether any of the below statements resonate with you:

• I should always do what others want, expect, or need from me.
• I should take care of everyone around me whether they ask for help or not.
• I should always listen to everyone’s problems and try my best to solve them.
• I should always be nice and never hurt anyone’s feelings.
• I should always put other people first, before me.
• I should never say ‘no’ to anyone who needs or requests something of me.
• I should never disappoint anyone or let others down in any way.
• I should always be happy and upbeat and never show any negative feelings to others.
• I should always try to please other people and make them happy.
• I should never try to burden others with my own needs or problems.

Credit: The above are the Ten Commandments of People-Pleasing from the book ‘The Disease to Please’ by Dr. Braiker

Changing your people pleasing habits

Did you feel as though you could have used the above statements to describe your own habits?

If so, contact me now and let me show you some easy and practical steps to help towards your recovery, giving you methods to provide you with positive changes to your life.

Start saying YES to YOU and improve your life today!