How to Deal with Mother’s Day When You Are Grieving

Mother's Day

The second Sunday of May is Mother’s Day.  This can be a special day to show your mother how much you love her and appreciate her.

 

If you have lost your Mother, Mother’s Day can be an extremely painful day.  A day of grief, sadness, loneliness and depression.  There is a piece of you that is missing and this day reinforces that loss.

 

My mother passed away nearly four years ago and while the various milestones – her birthday, Christmas and Easter – are difficult each year since her passing, Mother’s Day is still the most difficult for me.

 

Everything around me is mentioning Mother’s Day – from television and catalogue advertising to emails, social media and in-store posters.  Previously none of this mattered as I was planning a lunch and gift to celebrate with Mum, but now, when she is no longer here, all the hype and conversation around Mother’s Day can be difficult.

 

So, if you are dreading the lead up to Mother’s Day and the day itself, what I have done in previous years may help you get through this difficult time as well.  

 

I know I need to look after myself leading up to, and on Mother’s Day, and do whatever I need to do to get me through the day.  There are a number of ways to deal with the day and some of these may help you.

 

  • Contact the cemetery where she is buried. Some cemeteries have special Mother’s Day memorial services.  This may be restricted now with COVID, but it may still happen.  If not, visit her grave and lay some flowers and may be “talk” to her if that helps.

 

  • Do something that would honour your Mum.  For example, if she was a gardener, or even if she wasn’t but she loved having a garden and beautiful flowers, plant something in her honour. That way when you watch the plant grow, you will think of your Mum.

 

  • Consider using the money you would normally spend on her to donate to your Mother’s favourite charity.

 

  • Do something that you and your Mum enjoyed doing together – whether it was going for a walk or going to the movies – anything at all. Whenever my Mum and I were together we always had a “proper” cup of tea (nice teapot and cups and saucers) and cake together.  I still have my own special afternoon tea in memory of her.

 

  • Spend time in a place that was special to your Mum and where you will feel close to her.

 

  • Spend some time looking at photos of her or going through items you have from your Mum such as her jewellery, her craft etc.  Perhaps you may find a beautiful photo of your Mum that you can get framed and put up on the wall so you can see her every day.  This can all be very difficult but it can also be very cathartic.

 

  • Write a letter or card to your Mum and express your feelings there. No one has to see this and writing your feelings down can be very therapeutic.

 

Sometimes doing something can be difficult and you may find it easier to simply do nothing.  That’s ok!  If you do, here are a couple of suggestions to help you leading up to the day and on the day:

 

  • Turn off the TV and radio. If you don’t you will be bombarded with Mother’s Day advertising.

 

  • Avoid the shops and restaurants as, again, you will be bombarded with Mother’s Day stuff and people celebrating Mother’s Day, which will be difficult.

 

  • Plan a constructive and time consuming day on the Sunday. Turn on your favourite music, clean out your wardrobe, do some gardening, do an early spring clean of your house, do the ironing – anything that will keep you busy and make the day go quick.

 

 

My Mum, like all mums, was not perfect but she was my Mum.  She may be gone but she lives on in my heart and my memories every day.  I keep her memory alive by sharing her stories, remembering the silly things she said and did, having a positive attitude, being the person she wanted me to be – a strong and independent woman – and living up to the values and morals that she instilled in me.  In all these ways, I believe I am honouring her.

 

This Mother’s Day, remember the special moments you shared with your Mum, remember what you loved about your Mum but also remember to look after and love yourself.  Also, remember whatever you decide to do, it is ok to feel sad and it is ok to cry.

 

 

If you are struggling with your grief and need to talk to someone, email me at colleen@new.lifestylecounsellingservices.com.au.