How to Reclaim your Life after Childhood Sexual Abuse

What do you remember about your childhood?  Do you have happy memories?  Did you feel loved, secure, protected and innocent?

For many adults, their memories and experiences of their childhood are very different, and these experiences can have a long-lasting effect for the rest of their lives.

According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, 1.4 million adults (7.7%) have experienced childhood sexual abuse.  Child sexual abuse is alarmingly common and hugely damaging.

As a society, we still have an issue with talking about childhood sexual abuse.  Whether it occurred once or over a period of weeks, months or years, childhood sexual abuse not only physically and emotionally hurts at the time, but it also robs victims of their innocence, upsets their feeling of control and ownership of their bodies and leaves them with a lack of trust towards people.

What is Childhood Sexual Abuse?

Childhood sexual abuse is when an adult or adolescent uses their power or authority to involve a child in sexual activities.  It involves any act that a child does not fully comprehend, is unable to give informed consent to or is not developmentally prepared for or against currently accepted community standards.

This can include, but is not limited to:

• Having sex or any type of sexual act with a child
• Taking pictures or videos of a naked/partly naked child or showing naked photos/videos to a child
• Indecently exposing themselves to the child
• Kissing, holding or touching in a sexual way
• Speaking to a child in a sexually explicit way either in person, online or on the phone

Despite the headlines, only a very small percentage of abusers are from strangers.  Most offenders of child sexual abuse are known to their victims – they are most likely to be members of the family, such as a father, uncle, or brother or acquaintances of the family such as neighbours or friends of the family.  The abuse often starts when the child is young, and the offender will generally use threats to keep the child from telling anyone about it.

Effects of Childhood Sexual Abuse

This childhood abuse can have a long-lasting effect and quite often impacts how an adult will act later in life.  Some of these effects include:

• Low self esteem
• Lack of self-respect
• Alcohol or drug abuse
• Promiscuous behaviour
• Difficulty developing trusting and positive relationships
• Anger
• Nightmares
• Being withdrawn
• Struggling in social situations
• Unable to relax and feeling constantly on alert
• Feeling fearful
• Eating disorders
• Needing to be in control of all situations

Survivors of abuse can have major trust and control issues and they can have trouble interacting with people and forming close relationships.  They may either put up a wall to keep people at arm’s length or they may be very clingy and seek a partner that will keep them protected.  As children, they learnt to not show their emotions such as fear and anger, so later in life, they may have trouble with emotions and communications in relationships.  They can also experience anxiety, anger, shame and guilt.  They may also have a “don’t care” attitude to life and may participate in high-risk behaviour such as having unprotected sex or doing drugs.

Victims of childhood sexual abuse often feel responsible for the abuse, when in fact it is the abuser who is totally responsible.  The offender has committed a crime under Australian law.

Seeking Professional Support

Everyone deserves to live a full and happy life and for many survivors of childhood sexual abuse, they don’t think this is possible.  However, recovery from childhood abuse is possible. 

You cannot go back and change your past, but you can change your future.  Don’t let what happened to you destroy your future.  Remember, to get through the abuse and be where you are now has taken enormous courage, guts and determination.  You are a strong person and you deserve to have a happy, fulfilling future.  With enough time and the proper support, it is possible to move forward from childhood abuse in a healthy way.

I specialise in the recovery from childhood sexual abuse and trauma.  If you need help with dealing with childhood sexual abuse, contact me now so we can work together to get you on the road to recovery.