How to find Self-Love this Valentine’s Day
February is here and everyone is talking about Valentine’s Day and we will shortly be bombarded by all the commercialism around it. Don’t get me wrong, I love romance as much as anyone else and I have been happily married for 19 years but I think there is so much pressure to be part of a relationship to feel loved. But I don’t think you can be in a relationship and give and receive love fully unless you like and love yourself and have confidence in yourself. So today I am going to talk about how to like and love yourself.
“The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.” —Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
As Australians, we don’t like people that “big note” themselves, or people who are selfish and conceited. But I’m not talking about big noting yourself or thinking that you are so much better than everyone else. I’m talking about recognising your own good qualities and accepting the ones that you think are not so good. It’s about respecting and appreciating yourself and know that you are deserving of happiness. Remember that what you focus on grows, so it’s time to stop focusing on what you think are your flaws and your negative self-talk and instead focus on your strengths and being true to yourself. When you love and accept yourself, you show your best self to the world!
So What Does Self-Love Mean?
Self-love means:
- Talking to and about yourself in a loving way
- Not judging yourself
- Trusting in yourself and your abilities
- Being true to yourself
- Being kind to yourself
3 Steps to Finding Self-Love
1.Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
How many times have you been scrolling through your social media feeds and comparing yourself to family, friends and celebrities? Well, guess what – these people have imperfect lives as well. These people are not going to post pictures of their messy house, their children throwing tantrums or themselves laying on the lounge in their daggiest clothes, eating junk food. People only post pictures that are perfect. So if you are comparing yourself and your life to these people, it is time to stop! Start reducing your time on social media and may be take a look at your life and appreciate what you have. Start writing down in a journal what you are grateful for – your family, your friends, your health, the roof over your head, the places you have travelled, the pets that have given you such unconditional love.
Another thing I have suggested to clients is to write a letter to your younger self. Write down how you felt then – were you comparing yourself to others back then, were you judging yourself – and then write down how far you have come in your life and how fortunate you have been.
2. Stop Trying to Be Perfect
Do you have an internal voice that won’t stop! Does it constantly criticise how you look and how you behave? Does it constantly tell you that you need to be perfect? This is negative self-talk. It can be helpful to write down your negative thoughts and then simply notice them. Consider where these thoughts have come from. Next re-write these negative thoughts but in a positive way eg if you wrote “I am stupid” in the negative column, now write “I have not learnt that yet” in the positive column. Then re-focus on the positive.
We often pay more attention to other people’s beauty, personality or skills but don’t focus on our own.
3. Stop Caring About What Other People Think
If someone has an opinion of you – whether true or false – it is simply that – an opinion. An opinion is a belief or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge. So, unless these people know you 100% – your thoughts, feelings and experiences, their thoughts and opinions cannot be 100% accurate. You have a choice – put your energy into worrying about what their opinion of you is or ignoring it.
My Favourite Quotes about Self-Love
I love positive affirmations and quotes. I type them out on coloured paper and have them on the walls around me. Below are some of my favourite quotes about self-love.
- “Always have the confidence in yourself and your abilities to be able to pick up your handbag and walk out of a bad relationship or a bad job” – my darling Mum
- “How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you” – Rupi Kaur
- “If you have the ability to love, love yourself first” – Charles Bukowski
- “The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely” – C.G. Jung
- “If you’re searching for that one person that will change your life, take a look in the mirror” – Roman Price
- “You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection” – Buddha
- “The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself” – Maya Angelou
- “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” – Eleanor Roosevelt
- “Beauty begins the moment you decided to be yourself” – Coco Chanel
- “A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms” – Zen Shin
- “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance” – Oscar Wilde
This Valentine’s Day why not fall in love with yourself first and learn to love and embrace who you are.
If you need help to explore your negative self-talk, your fears or your insecurities, speak to a qualified counsellor. Email me at colleen@new.lifestylecounsellingservices.com.au
In the meantime, I would love for you to share 2-3 things you love about yourself in the comments section. Mine are 1) I am a kind and compassionate person; 2) I love all animals, particularly dogs; 3) I try not to take myself too seriously.