Poor health can be built on guilt

How guilt is formed and why you need to get rid of it now

There is feeling guilty about eating the last Tim Tam while your significant other is out of the room, then there’s feeling guilty about major incidents that may or may not have been influenced by you.

Guilt in minor cases (such as eating the last Tim Tam) can actually prompt us to make better decisions in the future, but when the guilt you’re carrying is all consuming, it has the power to make us feel terrible about ourselves, overwhelming us with a sense of regret and, at times, brings on self-contempt. Chronic guilt can run deep and when not confronted, it can have a painful and destructive impact on day to day behaviour, decisions and ultimately, your health.

Generally guilt derives from a feeling of regret and responsibility for an adverse situation. It is actually a form of self-sabotage in a way.   Whether one did or did not play an active role in causing the negative outcome, chronic guilt can lead to a life of depression, anxiety and health problems, simply because of negative self-talk and taking on the burden of someone else’s misfortune or of a situation that was out of their control. The situation could be exactly the same, but without the feeling of guilt weighing on every thought, there’s a chance for finding pleasure in life again.

For some reason, women feel the emotion of guilt more deeply than men. A Spanish study revealed that men feel relatively low levels of guilt while middle aged women feel guilty more prominently than any other age group. Even in circumstances beyond their control such as a spouse cheating or a friend diagnosed as terminally ill, women tend to place blame on themselves, and often to a harsh degree.

There are different circumstances that can trigger our sense of guilt. One cause is for something that you did that compromises your own sense of morality and standard of conduct. This can include things like white lies, fraudulence, stealing or cheating, as it may violate your own personal morals or beliefs. This type of guilt is completely normal, although if it is not confronted, it can become a burden. To face this form of guilt you need to learn to forgive yourself and practice the type of behaviour that resonates positively with your authentic self.

The more prevalent form of guilt I see as a counsellor, is the guilt of circumstances beyond someone’s control. Just as the Spanish study revealed, this is prevalent in women, and those aged 40-55 most commonly. Women tend to take on the responsibility and guilt for a partner cheating or leaving a marriage, an unhappy adult son or daughter or being promoted over a close colleague. In my specialised field of sexual abuse and trauma counselling, one of the first issues we address is the guilt of victims, feeling they provoked or unwittingly invited the sexual violence.

Guilt is one of those emotions that if left unchecked, can impact on your relationships, health and prosperity. Through exploration, carefully considered questions, “what if” scenarios and much more, counselling strategies can help reduce the severity of guilt, opening up opportunities for acceptance and forgiveness.

I encourage you to email me colleen@new.lifestylecounsellingservices.com.au today for a confidential consultation.